Once upon a time, little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet. Hang on, what’s a tuffet? Hmmm …. turns out even the narrator doesn’t know. Moving on: “Eating her curds and whey. ” Hang on! Her order hasn’t even come yet! What kind of diner is this anyway? “Sorry, I’m coming!” yells the waitress as the narrator resigns. And let’s not even mention the problem with the spider in this Little Miss Muffet skit.
Fu (Spelled F. U. ) was sentenced to life as a goon for slapping a mouse. It’s hardly a fair sentence for slapping one mouse. A Mouse! Really? It’s also not important whether the mouse had it coming or not. (He did) Life as a goon, as a result of this brief “lapse” in judgement, is an absolute nightmare. In this comedy in one act, Fu won’t stop (and hasn’t stopped) complaining until he’s heard in this funny fairy tale script.
Luckily, his whining doesn’t fall on deaf ears this umpteenth time. The Good Fairy will pardon Fu if he asks every single goon living in the forest to leave. The goons will likely do so. It’s a deal so sweet he can hardly believe it as he sets out towards his freedom. Fu will be a bunny again. As for the Good Fairy, he will rest easy because all politicians sleep well at night… Corrupt to the core, the Good Fairy is using the forest goons to his own benefit. This leaves Fu to fight for more than just his own freedom and become the hero he was born to be.
Life as a goon is only the beginning. A fairy tale with adult type humour suitable for older teens. In the style of ”Shrek. ”
In Aladdin the pantomime, Abanazer, the wicked one seeks an infamous lamp hidden in a land far far away. Rumour has it that the lamp contains a powerful Genie who can help him rule the world. But he has no idea how to find it. Undeterred, he rings up the Slave of the Ring Hotline for help. The bimbo on the helpdesk checks her computer and informs him that yes, such a cave exists and no, he cannot enter it himself. There is only one in the whole world who can do it. His name? Aladdin. Location? Peking, China. China? That’s a bit far!
So Abanazer sets out on a journey. Aladdin, on the other side of the world is currently running for his life because he set eyes on the beautiful princess. Naturally this means he must die. But since he has no immediate plans to do this, running away seems to be the best option. Other than marrying the Princess of course. But that sort of thing doesn’t happen to young men whose mother, the Widow Twankey (currently unattached, available and let’s face it, slightly manly) owns the local laundromat. Nope. He’d have to come into a large fortune to do that.
Which is exactly what Abanazer promises him to get him to go to the cave. However, once they’re in the cave it all goes wrong. Aladdin finds the treasure and wants to send that up first, but wicked Abanazer only wants the lamp and seals Aladdin inside the cave in a rage. Leaving him with the lamp and a massive amount of treasure. The rest? Well, why don’t you have a little read and find out!
PRODUCTION HISTORY
Killigrew drama society KiDS, Hertfordshire, UK – 2019
Read other pantomimes – Cinderella by British playwright Mick Gaunt
Author: Mick Gaunt
Type: Two-act play
Genre: Aladdin the Pantomime, comedy, musical
Length: 80 – 90 minutes plus songs
Cast: 21 including chorus. Gender can vary so is not stipulated.
Ages of the actors: Older children and up
Suitable for: All ages to watch and perform
Set: Various – Front cloth is various locations including Abanazer’s Den, Peking city, mountains, marketplace, Twankey’s laundry, treasure cave, Aladdin’s palace, a distant place.
Level of difficulty: 7/10 – characterizations – the Dame (Widow Twankey) is lovely and over the top.
DICK TURPIN – FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH – BRITISH PANTOMIME SCRIPT
The name’s Dick. Dick Turpin. Dick’s a thief and he’s both terrible and great at it. His skills are difficult to judge because while Dick and his team of bandits have actually stolen some worthwhile items before, unfortunately (and this is a big ‘unfortunately’) some valuable property has been taken from him, too. In ‘’Dick Turpin – from the Horse’s Mouth’’ some may call it karma but in 1737 it is just sad. Now, it’s almost Christmas and with no loot and no prospects of looting, Dick decides to go straight and get a crime-free job, so he can get some money in to buy his mother a present. With what he’s put the Dame through, the poor guy has little choice in this British pantomime script.
Things take a turn in this two act comedy when, after scandalously getting involved with the Sheriff’s daughter, Ruby, she is kidnapped by a rival Highwayman, Lady, in front of Dick’s eyes! To get her back he must do what he never, in his lifetime, thought he would; get help from the law.
The adventures of a young buck, his fellow crooks, his mamma, his broad and the wild ride he goes on, on a stolen horse.
Author: Jenny Gilbert
Type: Two-act play
Genre: Pantomime, Comedy
Cast: 17M, 6F and smaller parts played by either sex. As in all pantomimes, a lot of gender swapping can occur within roles.
Ages of the actors: Older children to adult
Suitable for: All ages to watch and older children to adults to perform
Length: 90 minutes plus songs
Set: The forest, the village green and near to it, ye olde police station, ye olde job centre, blacksmith’s forge
Level of difficulty: 7/10 Crowd control and scene changes
UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER – FANTASY PLAY FOR TEENS AND OLDER KIDS WITH A MEDIUM CAST
What would have happened if the villains had won? It is 5 years since the Evil Queen, Valborga succeeded in placing Snow White under the sleeping curse. Much has changed in the lands of Perrault and Grimmenvald. The Prince has vanished, unable to rescue Snow White. Valborga has been terrorising the villages and neighbouring kingdoms, taking with force what she believes to be hers by right, alongside her sister, the Sea Witch, Dorea. All hope seems lost. But now, something has changed. A small group of outlaws – the Band of the Red Apple – have come together to overthrow the Evil Queen, find the Prince and rescue Snow White with true loves kiss, restoring happy endings once more to the lands in this fantasy play for teens and older kids.
A family show, suitable for a cast size of 13 to 18 people, with twists and turns along the way.
PERFORMANCE HISTORY
Originally performed in Workington, Cumbria, UK, by a cast of 16, aged 10-18.
Author: Mille Hardy-Sims
Type: Two-act play
Genre: Fantasy play for teens and older kids
Cast: 7F, 11M but flexible casting for smaller parts such as guards.
Ages of the actors: Older kids up to adult. Originally performed by a youth theatre cast
Suitable for: Family show
Length: 1.5 hours
Set: The set should be a generic castle set with large stones and interchangeable set pieces.
Level of difficulty: 7/10 – an adventure that builds on well known characters
CINDERELLA, THE PANTOMIME – PANTO CINDERELLA SCRIPT
Classic panto Cinderella script complete with her poor father, Baron Hardup, forced to marry Baroness Hortencia Hardup and her two ugly daughters Halitosis and Scurvy – for money, of course! Naturally they are all meanies and treat poor Cinderella abominably.
When they hear that there is to be a fancy ball held at the royal palace, hosted by the prince himself, they of course want to meet Prince Charming for themselves as they are both convinced of their own beauty and the fact that he’ll marry one of them. But when Prince Charming and his servant, Dandini switch places and explore the local village they meet Cinderella and the real prince falls for her immediately. However the same day the the ugly sisters are also lurching round the village green and of course they meet them as well. Their true natures are revealed as they treat the person who they think is the manservant like dirt…but it’s really Prince Charming.
Cinderella gets to go to the ball complete with the help of her fairy godmother, and true to the story, loses her shoe. The ugly sisters are enraged to find the Prince isn’t who he appeared to be, but remain convinced he’ll marry one of them. However, to their absolute amazement this does not happen and the Baroness and two daughters are finally send on their wicked way. Aided by Buttons her long time friend, Cinderella and Prince Charming are brought together in the classic happy ending.
Snow Good a.k.a. Snow White The Pantomime carries a warning – It is considered dangerous for wearers of spectacles to attend as it’s so funny it will cause their spectacles to mist up from laughing so hard. Spectacle cleaning cloths and extra tissues should, therefore, should be carried at every performance. Do not drive or use machinery until the spectacles have been demisted.
An hysterically funny retelling of the Snow White and the seven dwarfs fairy tale as rendered by the Goons, kicked around by Monty Python and crash landed by the Airplane I and II writers and built on this foundation a really twisted tale of jealousy, passion, sausages, stupidity and innocence brilliantly scripted by Keith Passmore.
Grandparents will role in the aisles, parents will go “ooo!” at the verbal and visual puns (of which there are many) and children will be enthralled and everyone will cheer at the end when Good, (“ooo!”) triumphs and the evil Queen is vanquished and later strangled by the Director for changing her lines, (off stage, of course.)
Cast: Cast of 31, as with pantos most roles can be played by either sex
Ages of the actors: Children up to adults
Suitable for: All ages to watch and perform
Length: Two hours
Set: Various – On stage are three large flats, one running L to R Upstage and the others running from slightly down both edges of this flat to DL and DR in order to create entrances and exits from UL and UR. There are three other exits namely, DL and DR. The flats are either decorated with hooks or dressed in strips of Velcro to enable images to be affixed for certain scenes. The images to be affixed are mentioned at the beginning of each scene.
Level of difficulty: 7/10 – remembering words and clear delivery of lines especially those with jokes.
PUSS IN BOOTS IN THE WILD WEST – PUSS IN BOOTS PANTOMIME SCRIPT
A traditional Puss in boots pantomime script for a large cast set in the American Wild West with a story based on the story of Puss in Boots.
Dame Calamity Jean and the townsfolk of Dodgy City have their livelihoods threatened by the notorious gunslinging outlaw, Wild Wilma and her incompetent gang, El Zorillo and the three Amoebas. When a dancer visits from the Windy City with his inherited cat, the
townsfolk put on their dancing shoes and find a way to stand up to Wilma and save the town.
In this skit on The Little mermaid, Arial, our little mermaid (Not to be confused with the font) has her eye set on Prince Error (an unfortunate name that he couldn’t really help) who is a human. The only way she can get married to him and have lots of little merchildren is to become human. Since she is just sixteen, she just doesn’t have a checking account or even a credit card so she gives the evil sea queen, ”Umbrella” her voice as payment.
But the story ends well – she gets her voice back. Although she kind of sounds like Pinky Pie, nobody minds, really. As long as she doesn’t sing. Ever!! And they live happily ever after.
Production History
High Point Academy, Fort Worth, USA – 2017
The Heath Theatre group, Runcorn, UK – 2018
What are the perfect conditions for every American sports fan’s dreams to come true? Why, a temperature drop, of course in this comedy script about sports.
One so low that OJ Simpson (almost) finally confesses, Fahrenheit so
chilly that Magic Johnson is declared HIV free and thermometers correctly reflecting the icy ‘nature’ of things, to the degree that Tom Brady comes clean about Deflate gate. But this could only be a
reality if the temperature was affected in one place specifically, ahem, hell to be exact. On this day, in this sketch comedy, hell froze over and everything in the sporting world went to shit- AKA ….
mushrooms. So, have YOU ever wondered what would happen if hell were to freeze over? Find out tonight on the Chicago Radio- err – rather from Anchors 1, 2 and 3 in the play, Hell Froze Over.
Don’t hold your breath…No actually, today, feel free to do so!
URSULA – FAIRYTALE PLAY ABOUT A PRINCESS WHO BECOMES A BEAR
Ursula is seventeen and is a prisoner, trapped inside her own castle by her father, the King. Although he does it because he wishes to protect her, Ursula wants to see the sun and explore the world, no matter how dangerous it might be. Her nurse, who is also a witch, by the way, gives her a magic cloak that, when she wears it, transports her out of the castle. But it also transforms her into a big brown bear. She almost gets shot by a Handsome prince hunting in the forest, but luckily she she can still talk, she astonishes him with her powers of speech and he takes her home to become a servant in his house. There, disguised as a bear, she gets to know him and also falls in love with him. When there is a ball, she removes her bear cloak and dances with him as a beautiful stranger.
But little does he know that his own bear and the beauty are one and the same…
‘Ursula’ is a great fairytale play for children, with a princess that’s both outlandish and a breath of fresh air. It’s a Cinderella story with flair!
There is one song in the script – music is provided by the author.
Production History
Cora Howe School, TN, USA – 2017
Heriot Junior Drama, United Kingdom – 2019
London School of Public Relations – Jakarta, Indonesia – 2021
Author: Jerry Fogel
Type: One act play
Genre: Fairytale play, play about a princess
Length: Thirty to Forty minutes
Cast: 3F, 2M
Ages of the actors: Three supposed to be middle aged to older adults, two are younger
Suitable for: Children and younger teens.
Set: Two castles, the forest and a ballroom. Simple changes can easily be made
THE PIED PIPER OF HAWAII (TROUBLE IN THE WILD WEST) – CHILDREN’S ONE ACT PLAY
In Curly Creek in the American wild west, the Fluffy Rats and their boss, Reg the Rat Man, live in harmony with the townsfolk and keep the town clean and tidy for them. Suddenly the peace of the town is disrupted with the arrival of Rotter Rat and his gang of Bad Rats in this children’s one act. The Mayor of Curly Creek and the townsfolk decide that they need to find a way to get rid of the Bad Rats. Unfortunately, they can’t seem to find anyone who can do the job. Perhaps the mythical Pied Piper of Hawaii could be the man to rid Curly Creek of its troublesome Bad Rats…
In this zany but extremely funny steam punk pantomime script, loosely based on Alice in Wonderland, Alice Liddell is kidnapped by the villains Mad Hat and Moriarty and taken through the looking glass to an alternate universe and imprisoned in their Dirigible because they want to take over her world and they have a cunning plan to get their way.
Her friends Dodgson and Prince Leopold enlist the help of the slightly less famous Shamrock Holmes and his sidekick, James Watson to get her back to their side of the looking glass. Together with the Dame and the Baker Street Irregulars, they set out to rescue her and save their world from imminent disaster.
They win, of course!
This panto has one written song in it, but songs can easily be added at the director’s discretion.
Wotcha! Gotcha! had a very successful two week run in New Jersey. Read a review about it in the Huffington Post.
Author: Gareth Jones
Genre: Steam punk funny pantomime
Type: Three act play
Cast: Large cast play with 26 named characters but smaller parts may be doubled or the sex of roles reversed.
Ages of the actors: Play with cast of children and adults
Suitable for: Suitable for all ages
Length: Play two hours long
Set: The set in act one and two is divided between Alice’s sitting room and the inside of the dirigible. Act three is divided between a concert hall and the dirigible. The inside of the dirigible can have decor that is steam punk in nature.
Level of difficulty: 7/10 – written as a classic British panto with cockney accents
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN UGLY SISTERS – SNOW WHITE PANTOMIME SCRIPT
Once upon a time, there was a wicked queen with an evil sidekick of a magic mirror. She was also the most beautiful woman in the world. Unfortunately this didn’t bode well for anyone else who was well, even remotely good looking. When the Princess Snow White blossoms into beauty, and the mirror informs the queen that she is shortly (well next Tuesday to be exact) to move to second place, the queen decides that someone else needs to take drastic action, and she sends her huntsman to kill the princess and bring back her spleen. Since she doesn’t actually know what a spleen is, Snow White and the Huntsman fool the queen, and Snow White runs away into the deep forest.
There she meets the seven ugly sisters who kindly take her under their wing when they hear the queen’s evil plan. In the meantime, the mirror has informed the evil queen that actually, Snow white is still alive and kicking in the woods. The Queen decides to do her in with the aid of a magical nuclear cigar, delivered by Royal Mail.
The seven ugly sisters leave for work as air hostesses on Goldonian airways, leaving Snow White alone in the cottage with strict instructions not to accept any multicoloured apples from strange old women. Snow white is interrupted by the arrival of the ever so sexy (but boy does he know it) Prince Valiant, who is Revolta’s (one of the ugly sisters) brother. He brings an invitation to his engagement party for his sister, Revolta.
Snow White is surprised to find that he not only has no idea who his bride to be actually is, but that she should count herself lucky to have him as a husband! He tries to flirt with her but fails horribly and leaves, but not before accepting a package from Royal Mail for her (The postman is the queen in disguise) containing two nuclear cigars. When the seven sisters arrive back from work, they’re all excited by the package, but when Snow White lights the cigar for Hideosa, it backfires, sending her into a magical sleep.
The girls summon Valiant who happily kisses Snow White and wakes her up. He in turn is amazed to find that she actually doesn’t want to marry him on the spot. They are interrupted by the arrival of the queen who has decided to kill Snow herself (properly this time.) The sisters save the day by lighting the other cigar and aiming it at the queen, sending her into a magical sleep. Snow White becomes the new queen of the magical kingdom and they all live happily ever after.
A fun non traditional pantomime filled with cleverly adapted Show tunes and witty dialogue by best selling playwright Claire Demmer. This pantomime would suit a typical drama group where the majority of the players are female – but the sisters can just as easily (and humorously be played by males.)
Notes: The author will allow workshopping of the script. All of the songs can be substituted at the director’s discretion. The nuclear cigars can be substituted for any other weapon of choice.
Production History
Kainon School, Westville, South Africa – 2016 Wedmore Young Farmers Club, Somerset, UK – 2018 Churchdown Players, Cheltenham, UK – 2019
Snow White and the Seven Ugly sisters performed by the Wedmore Young Farmers Club won the local and regional finals for panto in Somerset and went on to represent Somerset in the Southern round for the United Kingdom.
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES – PANTOMIME SNOW WHITE
Many years ago, in the kingdom lived a beautiful princess, Snow White who was forced to work in the castle for her stepmother, the Evil Queen Evilynn, along with Delilah Dumpling (the cook), Douglas (Delilah’s assistant) and Rose Red (The kitchen maid). One day, a handsome Prince, Prince Valliant, arrives in the kingdom in search of ‘The most beautiful lady in the land.’ Queen Evilynn likes the look of the Prince and wants to marry him but unfortunately he fancies Snow White.
That very day, the Queen’s magic mirror tells her again that Snow White is fairest in all the land, so she plots to kill her. Mandalay, the Queen’s henchman is asked to take Snow White on a picnic with the wood choppers (Horace, Doris, Norris and Boris). Mandalay can’t carry out his task and the wood choppers come up with the idea that Snow White remains behind in the forest. After saying goodbye to her friends Snow White becomes scared and faints. Fairy Good-at-heart sends her to live with the Seven Dwarves, who take Snow White into their home.
Thinking she has won, Queen Evilynn plans a big celebration but is soon told that Mandalay failed in his task and she poisons Snow White. The Prince has learned of the Queen’s evil plan and sets out along with Sir Richard, Delilah, Douglas, Rose Red and the wood choppers. The Prince gets there to find Snow White ‘dead’ but he wakes her with a kiss. The good fairy defeats Queen Evilynn, with the help of the audience, and all is well again.
This is a pantomime Snow White packed full of songs, jokes, slapstick and family entertainment.
