Crawl to be Kind – One Act British Comedy about a Missing Spider


When Pat and Mona move into their new house, they find the owner left a note saying they lost their pet Tarantula when they dropped the tank and didn’t have enough time to find it, sorry! Comedy about a missing spider.

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British comedy about a missing spider


Pat Crawley is a recently divorced woman who has decided to break away from inner city life and live in more rural surroundings. However, because the settlement from her house sale was not enough to buy the new house alone, she persuaded her mother Mona to use the proceeds of her house sale to go in on buying the house with her as a joint venture, rather than go through with her plan of moving into Sheltered Housing in the city – where some of her friends already reside. On arrival they are met with a note and the subsequent realisation that the previous occupants, (on leaving the house) dropped a tank containing the son’s tarantula, which immediately escaped and is likely still at large. Sadly, the previous occupants could not spend any more time looking for it as they were catching a flight to Australia in this one act British comedy about a missing spider.

What Pat doesn’t know is that her mother, Mona has set the whole thing up in a plan to cure her of her arachnophobia.
Unfortunately, before Mona can ‘give her reveal’, unwanted neighbours arrive in the house in the shape of Annabel & Jonathan with a welcome gift. They are followed closely by Les, the removal man, and Jill from the Electricity company. Of course when they hear there’s a killer spider on the loose, Les and Jill refuse to continue their work, for ‘health and safety reasons’ and won’t budge until the non existent spider is apprehended.  Which is kind of difficult as it doesn’t really exist….


Bispham CastAways, Blackpool, UK – 2023


Other plays by British playwright Troy Banyan:

A Load of Carp – Fishy British Comedy Script
Bird Feud – a comedy script about two guys locked in a crazy feud

Author: Troy Banyan

Type: One Act Play

Genre: Comedy about a missing spider

Cast: 4F 2M

Ages of the actors: Adult, mix of older and younger actors. Suitable for for mature actors.

Suitable for: Adults to perform and all ages to watch

Length: Thirty minutes

Set: The whole play takes place in one set, the back kitchen of Pat & Mona Crawley’s new house.

Level of difficulty: 7/10 – this script has many farcical elements about it which need to be brought out so that the humour comes through.

Read a Sample of the Script

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Contact Off The Wall Plays with any queries about Crawl to be Kind

Copyright © July 2020 Troy Banyan and Off The Wall Play Publishers

Like this play? Other British comedies you’ll enjoy:

Taken to Tusk – an off the wall elephantine comedy
One Act Play – British comedy about a typical Northern couple. In Bed
The Retirement of the Witches of Ipswich – Funny British play


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