A load of Carp – Slightly Fishy British Comedy Script


Ernest is proudly keeping koi carp as therapy and shows them off to his nearest and dearest (or so he thinks). But when they start to go missing one by one, it’s clear that something fishy is going on. Fishy British comedy script.


FISHY British comedy script


Conservative councillor Ernest Moffat is recovering from a breakdown and through online research he has learned about the positive outcomes of keeping koi carp. To celebrate this he invites a chosen few round for the koi naming ceremony in this fishy British comedy script.

Unfortunately it appears that he has more enemies in attendance than friends. He has a fractious relationship with his rebellious daughter Emily and her layabout boyfriend Fred (using the moniker The Enigma) and the three women he’s invited along to the ceremonies are May, the therapist he no longer uses because of the koi therapy; Julia, his fellow ward councillor who covers for him all the time; and Nora, his long-standing neighbour who he regularly puts upon. The only person who doesn’t appear to have a grudge against him is his wife Betty.

But when the koi carp start going missing at night, one by one, Ernest is devastated. Who is the culprit?  Any why would they do this to him? They’ve caught his attention – hook, line and sinker. It’s becoming clear with each passing crime that something fishy is definitely going on.


Squid Inc Theatre, Tasmania, Australia – 2022
Squid Inc Theatre, Tasmania, Australia – 2023

Other plays by Troy:

Bird Feud – Jim and Tom are locked in a crazy feud and need help. Now!
Squawk – Patience has lost her patience with the seagulls that are bent on wrecking her life. 
Taken to tusk – A grown up Sharon still has an imaginary friend, Trunky. 

Author: Troy Banyan

Type: One act play

Genre: Slightly fishy British comedy script

Cast: 2M, 4F

Ages of the actors:  Two in their 20’s, two in their 30-s-40’s and two in their 40’s to 50’s

Ages of the actors: Teen up

Suitable for: All ages to watch

Length: Forty Five minutes

Set: The simple set is a circular ridge centre stage, denoting a fish pond, which is covered by a sheet. Behind the pond to one side is a small bench with bush runningbehind it, and to the other side is a self-standing sign that is also covered by a sheet. Running from upstage to downstage left is a small picket fence with a gap in the downstage end of it.

Level of difficulty: 7/10 – the silliness of the situation compared with the absolute seriousness of the principal characters should be maintained in this play

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Contact Off The Wall Plays with any queries about A Load of Carp

Copyright © May 2020 Troy Banyan and Off The Wall Play Publishers

Like this play? Other zany British comedy scripts:

The Heirs – a death, a will, and a crazy family
Le Shaggy Dog – British Allo Allo style comedy set in wartime France
Oldens but Goldens. Comedy about a scam. In an old people’s home

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