Squawk – thirty minute comedy script



In this thirty minute comedy script, Patience Warriner is trapped in a recurring dream that she cannot escape. What is real ? She doesn’t know anymore, but the one constant thing is her hatred of the seagulls who continually inhabit her area and whose squawking, excreting presence regularly sets off her car alarm, wakes her up and drives her to the brink of insanity, or perhaps even beyond it ? The play is set on a night where she is awoken, yet again, by squawking seagulls, while her younger partner Albert sleeps like a baby. As the car alarm goes off she is so angry she storms outside and, from noises heard, it is obvious that she has thrown a stone at them and a gull has dropped from the sky, landing on her car, setting her alarm back off. Patience comes back in, sheepishly climbs back into bed and in no time the bedroom is an Avian Court of Law, and she is on trial for the unlawful killing of Sidney the Seagull.

She then wakes up to find herself back in the normal world. But was it a dream? When she comes home the next day to find her partner is having an affair and the same seagulls return to her flat as well, everything becomes a lot weirder.  An off beat comedy that’s ‘for the birds!’

Squawk was runner-up at the 2015 Somerset Drama Fellowship Original Play writing Competition.


Players on The Isle of Lewis, UK – 2018
Bold as Brass Productions, Stoke on Trent, UK – 2020


Author: Troy Banyan

Type: One act play

Genre: Thirty minute comedy script

Length: 30-35 minutes

Cast: 3M 3F (one of the M parts is a voiceover only)

Ages of the actors: Adult, from young to fifty something

Suitable for: All ages

Set: The set is a simple one. It is a bedroom with a double bed – preferably with metal head and foot boards – running from centre back to mid centre stage. Downstage left is the door that leads into the rest of the bungalow. Upstage left is a door that leads into ALBERT’S walk-in wardrobe. In between this door and the left side of the bed is his bedside table. Downstage right is a door that leads into the en suite bathroom. Upstage right is a door that leads into PATIENCE’S walk-in wardrobe. In between this door and the right side of the bed is her table, with mirror at its back. In the wall behind this table is the curtained window.

Level of difficulty: 8/10 – the actors play multiple parts including birds so would need to be good physical comedians.

Read a Sample of the Script

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Cost is $7.50 for this digital runner up script. Just click Shakespeare above!

pay now shakespeare

Cost is $11 for the printed script. To purchase your single script, please click Shakespeare just above! Reduced costs with multiple copies – please enquire.

Contact Off The Wall Plays with any queries about Squawk

Copyright © June 2016 Troy Banyan and Off The Wall Play Publishers

Like this play? Other Off Beat Comedies you may enjoy:

In the Drink – offbeat comedy for 1M 1F – it’s all in the drink, dahling!
What’s on your mind? A comedy of the absurd
The Heirs – British comedy about the bizarre final wishes of a dying old lady

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